If there were a friend matching service, I would become its first member. It’s not that I don’t have friends. I have some very loyal friends with whom I give and take as much as possible. My partner of 25 years and I do not cohabitate. (I crave more companionship and want to introduce new friends to him.)
Sounds like a sociological experiment, doesn’t it? It has been. When we have tried to change things up and share the same space, many of our basic differences rear their wormy little heads. I have nothing against worms, by the way. I have known many a worm in my day. They cannot help being who they, the worms, are.
Differences
1. Time Matters. He is a born night owl while I feel more positive in the daylight hours.
2. Flamboyance Quotient. While I am a borderline Introvert-Extrovert according to the Myers Briggs Personality Test (ENFP), he is an introvert with flamboyant tendencies by anyone’s measure.
3. Acceptance Factor. He loves all the people of the world. Me too. The only thing is that I may be accepting to a fault, while he will call out people on their foibles. He wants to help them improve themselves. I believe many a psychological pain gets soothed through acceptance. Also I am more afraid of igniting searing arguments.
4. Conflict Avoidance. See number 3.
5. Art. He is an intense visual artist. I am a creative writer. I love art and artists although my fear factor comes into play again. He has a huge number of credits in his resume because he pushed hard and steadily for many years. I, on the other hand, have made the big effort to write novels, short stories, screenplays and poetry. I make the big push, I come in second, I retreat. I write a lot of little articles about spiral staircases and insurance in Syracuse.
6. Sarcasm and Outspokenness. He has those. See numbers 2, 3 and 4 above.
7. Patience. I have plenty of it. See number 4. He, not so much. That’s why he gets so much done.
8. Self-Knowledge. I certainly try. Ask my former therapists. OK, I didn’t create a college course for myself called Me, Myself and I the way he did. It was the early 70s so you could do that sort of thing if you had an open-minded professor like the sociologist/painter who was the brother of the well known artist who did the illustrations for a book I admire called A Young Man in Search of Love (Avron Soyer - Raphael Soyer - Isaac Bashevis Singer). My partner studied himself and his family and got a pretty good handle on why he turned out to be the way he is.
9. Friends. He gets along very well with younger people as I do with older folks. His friends must show an interest in his art. They must accept me. I have not required that of my friends although I love freethinkers, the artistic, and supporting my partner whenever possible. At least two dear friends of mine are Republicans. Another is a Librarian. Three are Lesbians. You see how it goes.
10. Astrological Line-up. He and I reside directly across the horoscope from each other, he as a Leonean, I as an Aquarian. Fire needs Air. Air feeds Fire. Fire uses up Air. A Santa Ana can blow up a wildfire. Onward.
Samenesses
1. Liberal Mindedness. Color, nationality, religious background, sexual orientation, income level – who cares? Not me. Not him. We don’t like war but understand why it has always been a part of human history.
2. Excellent Senses of Humor. If I do say so myself.
3. Abusive Family Backgrounds. We share in the search for appropriate serotonin levels to replace what we lost through emotional and physical beatings.
4. Sensitivity. Not the same as liberalness – see number 1 in this category – or acceptance – see number 3 in the preceding one.
5. Hope. Mostly we both have a bunch of this.
Hope accounts for my newly opened search for friends. I would like to find someone who matches me in the following areas of compatibility: Open-mindedness, Kindness, Willingness to explore modern art even if they don’t already enjoy it, Intelligence, and Humor. Since NewFriend.Com is a brand new concept, I have not yet worked this into a computer program for easy data entry and scientific friend-matching results. I am trusting to you, kind reader, to direct the attention of others seeking likeminded companionship to address their informal notes of application to P.O. Box 293, Beloit WI 53512-0293.
Sincerely yours,
Sherry Blakeley
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